~Free of Anxieties~

1 Cor.7:32-35

Paul begins with these words that today were written just for me to read. “...I should like you to be free of anxieties.”

That sentence sounds great when you first read it, but in truth we can hardly be free of anxieties in today’s world. There are so many reasons for us to be anxious. Try as I might I cannot remain anxiety free. It is something I have struggled with throughout my life.

I can remember when my mother became ill and I made the decision to leave the convent I was anxious about where my life was headed. I had been out of the secular environment for many years. God led me to the University of Houston where I met my husband. I remember how worried and anxious we were when our first born child had life threatening medical issues. God led us to one of the most competent pediatric surgeon who saved his life. I remember facing the stressful decision of whether or not to retire. God gave me a penny by the side of my car door...reminding me of those tiny words inscribe on our coins...I God we Trust. I trusted God and he led me to found Faith Twins with my dearest friend.

Once again recently I am wrestling with anxiety over things in my life. Since the death of my friend I have had to accept that our beloved ministry of Faith Twins must change into what God wants it to become. I have a little glimpse of an idea but still the whole plan is not clear.

“I should like you to be free of anxieties.”

How I wish it were as easy as saying a few words and the feelings of anxiety would vanish as if by magic. Well as you know it is not that easy and furthermore, the brain releases a chemical called cortisol when we are under stress. Cortisol is literally deadly over long periods of exposure. The thing about cortisol is that once the brain releases it into your system it can take days for the effect to dissipate. Days not just minutes or hours, meaning that even if the perceived stress passes the cortisol is still circulating around in the body. When a person is under stress it interferes with many different cognitive skills. You are more apt to make mistakes or have impaired judgment. You are distracted more easily leading to the possibility of accidents. And many other ill effects.

I am describing all of this because while I want to be anxiety free and to totally trust in God and to believe that God makes good from all things sometimes life can be overwhelming.

Last Friday my husband’s employer made a decision to move all 600-700 of their cooperate positions to Dallas. Ugh! Our anxiety level is out of control the cortisol is trying

to consume us from the inside out.

What does God want us to do?

What is God trying to tell us?

How do we feel anything but dislike or stronger toward the person who made this decision?

How can I best support my husband?

What is best for our marriage?

Our lives are blowing in the winds of the unknown, where there are all sorts of perils.

My favorite scripture verse is Jer. 29:11

 “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you,

says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe!”  

Wow, I am finding it challenging at the moment to calmly embrace this verse. I must admit I am very resistant toward Dallas. I am a native Houstonian. I have lived here my whole, for the most part. I love my hometown. My husband has never had a job that even required travel. We have never had to live apart. But now we may be faced with him in Dallas and me in Houston. I am trying to see God’s plan for our welfare in this situation. In May we will be celebrating our 40^th anniversary, the twilight years of our marriage. Not a time when we want to relocate.

Right now I cannot see the gifts here because we do not seem to be standing on solid ground. So for us to be free from anxiety will take a heap of grace...and I consider myself to be fairly well in tune to hearing the voice of God and responding to the movement of the spirit.

I regularly pray to be open to the Holy Spirit.

So while I know God has a plan for us; I cannot see how the current situation will lead us to serve him more fully. I surrender to his will in my life and I pray for the strength I need for whatever lies ahead for us. I ask for you to please pray for us as we discern our near future.

Original photo: plums hanging on the tree.

I chose this image because while plums are typically a dark color fruit they are very sweet and juicy to the taste. even though things look dark to us right now I have to believe that something 'tasty and juicy' is hidden from our sight.

This kaleidoscope image captures for me the green of new life surrounding the dark unknown center.

"For I know well the plans I have in store for you..."